I have been been writing constantly to you. I just dont feel like typing it out here. I write while I am on trains, I write in my notebook, I write in that yellow sheet notepad on my iPhone too. Sometimes, I write on dozens of post-its together and then I lose them. Mostly, they lie in my handbag getting crumpled. I wrote about getting drenched in the cold rain and felt like Im all the way ‘back in school’. It wasn’t ‘ back in school’ in a good way. I wrote about cafe’s I visited. I wrote about people I met and people I wished I didn’t meet. But I think I wrote about mundane – happy – chaotic- insignificant details on most days. I find this charming. Just telling you about insignificant little details.
“Hey! I wore Orange Shoes Today..”
“Did you know it is 67 steps from my house to the ATM? I counted”
“I did a week of vegan diet detox. Now I want a drink for such good effort.”
You see, I am smart about not letting you know about things that matter too much. That would be sharing secrets and not just being allies.You can’t have all the perks just because imaginary friends are next most charming thing after unicorns. But at 1 am it makes sense to pick up this digital blank white sheet of paper and type away furiously and talk about nothingness.
Last weekend, it was sunny and beautiful. I had lunch with a friend and then I walked back home to hear that dad was in ICU. I didn’t tell you that, did I ? I didn’t get time to tell you that the week has been a whirlwind trying to put everything in place and well! just being me. And now that everything is in place and everything is happy and chirpy again, I feel utterly, completely tired. Its like running a marathon. So I do what I do while running: I keep breathing and not stop. And then I breathe some more.
You know the funniest thing through all this? I’m in middle of all this, and work and it actually felt like im on a rafting trip. Im holding on to every bit of my nerve ( while I am on a raft and I cant swim!!!!) and then I have a webinar on emotional intelligence. I actually was doing an assessment on EQ! *damn* I almost wanted to fall of my chair. Laugh and cry and roll under my table and not come out for hours. I am so glad that week is over!
And now I have this big presentation in a day. And everything seems to be done but I can’t get my head around the ‘spark’ that sets apart a good idea from an inspiring one. Why do people love heroes and brands and stories? That small part of themselves that rides with the ups and down of the saga. I cant get that in my presentation. You would tell me, its just a powerpoint. Follow the format, do the numbers. But I CAN’T sleep! And I know if I am not inspired enough tomorrow, I cant go and tell the story. So yes, this is keeping me awake.
And then, my ballet classes are killing me. If I dance to music, I miss the count. If I count, Its not fun anymore! Thats me, and everything is a bit twisted right now. I am just trying to find that story that syncs perfectly with the count… flows with the music… and maybe then, I will try and get some sleep.
( I am not running an edit on this one. Not bothered. also editing pretty much everything around me right now)
Thanks to @aneeshb who took this pic a while back. Worked for this blog!